My Book

‘Hello mum, are you in Heaven yet?’ Documenting the early years of a developing Shaman within a story that touches everyone’s truth.

The book is available as an e-book on Etsy in English and Croatian.

 

At the Harrogate Healing Festival in September 2011 a senior lady came to tell me that she had read my book and told me that it was the best book she had ever read. I asked her why she thought that. She told me that it was because it was the only book she had ever read that felt as if the book/author was speaking directly to her. It was like talking and being with a friend. I told her that something similar was written on the back cover because I had been told that many times before. She answered that she hadn’t read the back cover.

Another reader contacted me saying,

I just want to thank you for your book. I have just read it and really enjoyed it and have now passed it to my father to read so it may help him. My mother passed over last March, and my dog who was like my child 8 weeks before my mother. I had been thinking of attending the spiritualist church, and after reading your book went this evening. I didn’t receive anything at all so cried all the way home, I know that my dog and my mother are both ok, but its like post trauma for me to re-live laying on the vet’s floor holding my dog until she went. Then holding my mother until she went too. Maybe I need healing, as I keep asking them to come to me. I have so much to look forward to this year but just can’t seem to get over the pain.

Hope you don’t mind me contacting you. You and your family sound wonderful and your mother reminded me of mine and when you mentioned st vitus’ dance, I haven’t heard of that for years as my mother told me that her sister had been taken somewhere as she had the condition. Thank you for bringing so many memories to me and writing your book. Love and Light. Jeanette xx

Read further for an extract from the book, recalling part of my experience of 9.11 and the bombing of the Twin Towers.

At that moment of watching it was if we were witness to the second plane crash for in the confusion we had thought that the news must have just come on. It may have been that it had already been shown over and over. I would think that thousands of people, that day, probably had the same experience that they were watching it as it happened.

Such was its impact that our attention never strayed from that American channel, hour after hour until we could bear it no longer. We thought of the people, we thought of the families, we thought of the consequences. Finally, weary with the helplessness that I felt, my thoughts came round to prayer. It came into my mind that an enormous number of people would be praying. I decided to go with the concept about the collective consciousness and with it, the power of prayer. I closed my eyes and wondered where to start! I began with the usual kind of thing. “Dear God, please take care of all these poor people, not only the ones who have been killed but also those who have been injured, not forgetting their families.”

My mind began to stray from my prayer. The words felt so futile and I didn’t feel that I was connecting with God. I needed to reach that power that had the capacity to move mountains. I wished from my heart that my love, which felt so strong, could be used in a more positive way. My own love felt real to me but I was unaware of a greater love listening to my mumbles. I lay back in the futon and let my head fall back on a cushion. My eyes closed and a great sigh left my body.

“What can I do, what can anyone do?” These involuntary thoughts of hopelessness escaped from my mind. “Surely I can do something? If I only knew what.”

My mind and with it my thoughts somehow became shrouded in a misty fog and I felt my whole body begin to let go. I let out a sort of ooohhh at the energy change. It was so unexpected. It was as if my body was sinking into the sofa. As it did I was becoming more and more relaxed. I didn’t understand it at the time but I was shape shifting, without me knowing I was evolving even then into a shaman. No thoughts entered my head other than whatever was happening, and what seemed to be happening was that my body was going one way and was it my mind, another? I liked it and what’s more, I was prepared to go with the flow.

I was travelling at an amazing speed. I thought of the Star Ship Enterprise and ‘Warp speed ahead!’ Absent-minded I wondered where I was being taken for the one thing I was certain of was that I was being taken. There was no sense of fear, in fact an overwhelming sense of love filled my being and I simply gave in and was prepared to enjoy the ride.

Suddenly I was aware of slowing down and unbelievably I found myself standing in front of the devastation where the Twin Towers had once majestically stood. People were racing past me and they seemed totally unaware of my presence for they even seemed to run through me. A telepathic voice spoke to me.

“It’s time to go to work,” I heard the command, there was no time for dawdling.

Amazingly I knew what I was to do. I had to go in search of all the souls of the bodies. I knew beyond all reason that there mustn’t be any lost souls. In that moment of enlightenment I knew that the only thing we are is consciousness and that that was ever lasting. My heart was bursting with something greater than my love. There was an energy building up of great magnitude and size and such beauty, and beyond words.

As I opened up to this golden glow in my heart I opened up my arms and I thought of Jesus on the cross. The golden orb inside of me expanded and engulfed me. It possessed my entire being that was somehow beyond my body. It reached my outstretched arms, and just kept going. I was no longer visible. The beautiful golden ball of love kept on glowing, getting whiter and whiter, a strange gold, and a strange white, yet light!

I felt myself propelled to move forward, my arms outstretched my legs moving yet not moving. I was gliding and felt weightless. The golden energy spread beyond the disaster area and as we moved forward we effortlessly moved through anything that blocked our way. I watched closely as we moved ever closer to the thick wall of dust and debris and somehow wasn’t surprised that even this was possible. There was a distinct quietness in my world that was in complete contrast to what I knew was going on somewhere just beyond. I wasn’t quite sure which place was the reality.

Then there was nothing to be seen for the density of the impact of the whole disaster was just there. I knew that I was in the very heart of it and I looked around. Slowly in some magical, or was it mystical way I began to see the dust laden bodies but I had no feelings of grief or loss because I began to sense, in the first instance, then see life. I saw dazed and confused souls inside their bodies. Yet some where not completely entombed inside their body, they had begun to sit up, half in and half out. They were just sitting there in their prostrate form. Some were even stepping completely out! Most were dazed, confused. It was obvious that they didn’t know where they were or what had happened to them and certainly not understanding that they were dead.

Others were walking around trying to help, not yet aware that they no longer possessed a physical form. These presences were like wisps of mist and light and equally as confused. Then there were bodies, as I knew them so very badly injured holding onto life by a thread. My mind suddenly came back to the different form that I had taken on. It was pulsating and generating love. I knew what I was to do and I began to speak telepathically to all the souls that had been caught up in this devastating experience. I began to call yet the voice didn’t seem to be mine,

“Come into the light Come into the Light.”

I carefully explained that they no longer needed to be here and that their bodies were no longer of any consequence to them and that the memory of them could be discarded. I encouraged them not to be afraid and that they shouldn’t stay in this place and that it would be a mistake. I told them to come into the Light. I spoke gently trying to coax them and patiently encouraged them. I didn’t want to spook them!

I kept on trying to get everyone’s attention and knew that I had to work quickly. I talked to those who hadn’t actually completely let go of life and explained the situation that they were in and that it was time to come into the Light. Suddenly there was movement coming out of the fog of dust and debris. The movement before me was beautiful. It was like starlight, strings of glistening pearls, threads of twinkling diamonds-and were gone. The movement continued to come from every direction. They were floating, flying apparitions. I was surprised by the noise that was created by the sudden rush of white gold wispy angelic like forms. I heard them before I saw them, travelling through the density of matter, a creation which was the outcome of two planes crashing into the Twin Towers.

Then these living swirls of light came towards the heart of me, there were so many. I saw them change direction, they moved upwards and were gone. I called out again giving the same messages, determined to reach all present. A few more bewildered or maybe reluctant stragglers followed. Directional guidance was invisibly given to them and then they were gone. I felt a penetrating quietness and I was looking around, scrutinising every inch, yet I knew someone else was looking through my eyes and could see far more than I was seeing. I knew when they were satisfied. All souls had gone, none were left behind. There was peace all around. Gradually but faster than we had arrived we began to withdraw and I found myself back in the street and my golden energy was subsiding. My arms began to fold in and down as if they were wings and I stood in angelic form for a brief moment. In an instant I was back and my eyes opened widely. I looked at my daughter and my father, their eyes glued to the television.

I said nothing; I didn’t want to break the spell. I didn’t want anyone telling me that it hadn’t happened for I knew without a shadow of a doubt
that it had. I had a deep understanding that I was different and had been changed forever. What had happened was something that I knew, an inner knowing and what’s more I knew that we all understood this but somewhere, somehow, so many of us had become lost to this awareness. Was this the lost souls that I had sometimes come across in my readings? Can we be lost souls when we are living? Can we be lost souls when we die? I had somehow stumbled on another dimension making me suddenly aware of a great responsibility, a responsibility to find myself. This was a kind of awakening and I had become more alert to life. A very big picture seemed to be opening up inside my head, or was it my heart?

I just stayed still trying to relive and rethink the past how many minutes, or was it hours, I really couldn’t tell. My attention was drawn towards the television and I became aware of reports of a further disaster at the Pentagon. I didn’t listen to the full report, or take time to learn about the outcome. Such was my belief in my own experience that I wanted to repeat the inexplicable process. My mind began to work overtime. How had I managed to get to New York? What had I done? I knew that somehow I had managed to let my consciousness travel outside of my body and that my mind was just as powerful outside of my body as in! I felt desperate to do this again and I tried to retrace my steps so as to recreate the situation that had enabled me to do what I had done but this time through my own intent. I lay back into the futon and rested my head back on the pillow. I closed my eyes.

“What did I do next?” I asked myself.

Then I remembered I had begun to pray. I noticed a change in my breathing and I went with the flow. I couldn’t believe it when I found myself looking down into the grounds of the Pentagon. I could see the plane and its point of impact. I wasn’t actually standing on any grass or pathway. This time I was somehow suspended, hovering above and I felt as if I was of a much bigger size. I waited for the golden glow to begin again within me but nothing happened. I called out telepathically to the souls that could be injured and dying but nothing happened. I didn’t go anywhere, I felt disappointed. I wanted to rescue more souls! Why wasn’t anything happening? I didn’t wait for anyone else to look around. This time using my own eyes I looked myself but I couldn’t find anyone. Had they all gone? I understood. All was well and I came away.

Two thoughts went through my mind as I lay, head on the pillow, as if asleep. “With my first incredible experience, had the force field of that focused power been able to spread itself so that it was engulfing not only the Twin Towers in New York but also the Pentagon? Or had someone else got there first!”

Over dinner I shared my experience with my family.

“I hope its true Mum,” my daughter said while she reached across the table and took my hand.

“So do I love, so do I,” was my father’s response as he gently leant across and took the other.

I think in that reflective moment we probably, each in our own way and place of understanding, expressed some kind of prayer to some kind of God. The one thing I now was certain of was that God was within each of us and that power could be used to move mountains. It certainly opened my eyes and gave me a glimpse of the unknown.